wth is your problem??

I can only do so much in fulfilling my calling, some people are just ungrateful. Blunt as it may sound, I'm just TIRED. TIRED dealing with someone who won't trust me.TIRED of organizing things & not getting the credit I deserve.TIRED of  being the "bad guy". TIRED of your lies. TIRED of being blamed for things that aren't my fault. TIRED of trying to open the line of communication instead getting a brick wall slapped in my face. TIRED of last minute changes that makes us look unorganized. TIRED of being nice to someone who really doesn't give a rats ass about me. like seriously WTH is your problem????? 

defeated.

  Today went from being Great to Bad within a few hours. My boys & I attended church as usual, my mother-in-law came along today to help with Isi [bless her heart] cause I had a meeting after church. I felt such a warm feeling today seeing my lovely yw's & awesome friends who make me smile with their great conversations. I walk into our opening exercise sit down & within a few mins, I find myself in the hallway breaking up a fist fight between 2 of my girls. While walking them to the Bishop's office I felt that warm feeling drift away & I became sad. Why did this happen? What was the problem? Was it my fault for not being a better example to them? In my head I constantly thought these things. After talking with Bishop I walk back to the Young Womens' room, peek in & seen their faces I just broke down. I couldn't be in there, I went in the mother's room & balled my eyes out, asking my heavenly Father for the some guidance. Pleading to comfort these yw & soften their hearts towards one another. I thought maybe this could have been prevented, maybe I wasn't doing enough to help & protect these girls from these situations. I try my best to set good examples for them to follow & even offered advice to them whenever they needed me I made it known that I'll always be there for them. After sometime church was over & I went looking for my boys, I was notified that our meeting was cancelled due to the incident.

  Heading home I didn't think this day could get any worse, but I was wrong. As I changed my boys out of their suits I hear my phone ring. Answering it I did not recognize the phone number, but I did the voice on the other line. It was a parent of one of my girls & she was pissed. I sat there as she told me off questioning my position as counselor & how could I have let this happen. I apologized & she just hung up. Walking back to my room I thought maybe I wasn't the good leader I thought I was. Maybe my efforts were not enough. Tears again rolled down my face as I try to hide my sadness from my boys. Laying them down to nap, again my phone rang. I was hesitant to answer but did anyways, to my suprise it was another parent even more pissed  then the 1st. My heart was saddened after hearing what she had to say, I apologized but she didn't want to hear any of it. I fell to my knees & again asking my Heavely Father for some guidance & comfort. I don't know what to do anymore. Should I just step down from my calling? Should we go back to our palangi ward? Where did I go wrong in serving these young girls? I miss my Mom & my Sisters, these are the times I wish I could just drive to their house & let it all out. There is one thing I know for sure, I feel DEFEATED:(:(

"I'll be there"

 I love being a happy, talkative person, I think I get it from my dad. He is friendly & the funniest person I know. I've built some great friendships with having these qualities but I have also lost some. In high school I was voted best sense of humor by my peers & I took that as a compliment. I find that always smiling & making people feel loved is important. We don't know how a person's day is going or how tough their life is, but with a smile & great conversation it could mean a lot to them.My Junior yr. in High school I lost a dear friend in a swimming accident. It's something I don't talk about because I still blame myself for it. Well, it was a hot summer day & a group of my closest girlfriends made plans to have a beach party. I was running late cause my mom told me if I didn't finish some pages in my personal progress I couldn't go.[she know how to kill a mood]..lol. Well, my friend Patricia kept calling me for a ride & I kept declining her calls cause I was trying to focus on finishing my stuff so I can go. An hour passed & I still haven't left, mom was lecturing me about choosing the right & making sure that I had my priorities straight but all I could think of was meeting up with my girls & having a good time. I get a call from Patricia & I answer,"Lexx what's taking you so long? My mom won't let me leave with anyone else if it's not you, let's go already". Me: "My mom is trippin' she says I have to finish up some church stuff if I want to use her car". Her: "Forget about it, I need to get out of my house, my mom is buggin' & I just need you to pick me up, please!" Me: "Sorry girl, I'll try to knock this out so I can come through I'll call you when I'm done. Her: "Fine, whatever I'll just sneak out & take the bus, I'll see you there". Me: "Just wait I'll be there soon." [click] She hung up. As I hurried to finish up I got this terrible feeling in my stomach & for a moment thought I was getting sick. My mom came in & asked if I was done & I gladly handed her my personal progress & said,"YES"! I grabbed my beach bag & mom's car keys & ran out the door.

  Driving to the beach I felt the urge to rush & get to my friends & enjoy the rest of my day, but as I'm pulling up to the entrance way all I see are ambulances,police cars & my girls circled around. I put the car in park & didn't even take my keys out the ignition running to see what happened. I walk towards my girls & all I see is a body on the beach with paramedics trying to revive someone. As I get closer I catch a glimpse of a lifeless hand & a bracelet that said, "proud to be Tongan". It was Patricia, the bracelet I had given her Freshmen year. I dropped to my knees crying & yelling to the paramedics to save my friend. They were able to get a pulse & put her into the ambulance &off to the hospital. I sat on the beach with my girls & balled my eyes out, it was all my fault if I would have just left when she called she's still be alive. We all got into my girl Sina's car & rushed to the hospital to be by her side. Walking into the E.R I felt that same feeling in my stomach from earlier. We get to the nurses station & they showed us to the area she was taken to. We get there & waited for about 15mins. until a Doctor came out. He told us that she didn't even make it out the Ambulance, she died on the way to the hospital:( I couldn't believe it my dear friend of 6 years was gone, she needed me & I wasn't there. Tears couldn't stop running down my face, I felt so guilty for her death. I've always made time for her & always reminded her that whenever,whatever I got her back. That day I didn't, I knew how far she came from being abused by her step-dad to dealing with a mother who'd rather party than stay home & raise her children. I knew that her life was miserable but being with us girls always made her happy & forget about all the troubles at home. All I could think of were those last words I said to her, "I'LL BE THERE". Why did this have to happen to such a young,beautiful person. Being raised in the church you'd think it would be easy for me to cope with such a tragic loss but no it was very challenging. I miss her face, her laugh, corny jokes & lovable personality. Nothing can bring her back but now I had to live with it. I should have been there.

  Dealing with her loss was very difficult but thanks to my family,close girlfriends, & the Gospel I was able to finally understand that it was her time. Since that day I made a promise to myself that no matter what, where, who, needed me I'd make the greatest effort to be there for my friends. I know death is a part of life but in this situation is was also an eye-opener for me to cherish those who I care about esp. my friends. I love building a sisterhood with my girls I consider BEST-FRIENDS. In my opinion a best friend is not just one person its individuals who you can laugh,cry, trust,confide in with everything & anything in their lives. I kept those last words I said to Patricia in mind,"I'LL BE THERE". Meaning when it comes to my friends I'll always strive to be by their side in a time of need. I'm blessed with Old & New friends in my life & whenever I have the chance to HELP,SUPPORT or ADVISE any of them I feel that Patricia is smiling down on me. I may not have been there for her but life is full of lessons & from that day I try to be, the greatest friend I know I can be. Truly grateful for each & every wonderful friend in my life. I miss you PAT, our memories we've shared I'll hold dear to my heart forever. [R.I.P] Gone but never forgotten my sweet Angel. I love you!

MOMMY :)

 All my life I have always had a strong, loving relationship with my Mom. As the years gone by we've gotten even closer, she is my HERO. I try my best each & everyday to be as great a mother to my boys as she has been to my siblings & I. She's such a beautiful person inside & out, she's humble, hardworking, trustworthy, talented, shoot let's just say AMAZING overall :) I've seen us grow even closer since I started my own family, whatever I need, my boys need she doesn't hesitate to drop everything to be here for us. I love her so much & I'm so grateful for her constant support & love. I couldn't have dreamed of a more PERFECT mother for me & my siblings, I look up to her & cherish every moment shared together. This past weekend was our Ward Conference & instead of staying to prepare things for their ward Young Women Excellence night she came down & helped me with EVERYTHING for ours. I love that whats important to me is important to her, the most unselfish person I know. She brings the best out of me & pushes me to do my best at all times. She's a woman of faith with a strong testimony that can not be shaken. She's always taught us about the blessings of being a worthy member of the gospel, & the importance of eternal families. Thou some of us made mistakes in life never once has her love for us changed. She continues to love us unconditionally & supports everything we do. I miss her when she leaves but I know that we're in her thoughts & prayers always! I love you Mom, its because of all your teachings,examples, advice that's made me the woman I am today. Thank You:)

"you're not Superwoman"

 I love my calling, I find such joy in being around my young women & I've found a true desire to SERVE. Nothing makes me more happier than knowing I'm doing my part in fulfilling a calling from my Heavenly Father. The past few months I find myself taking on my calling & other people's responsibilities too. I take my calling seriously & when I notice others not doing their part it really annoys me. I love my girls & I strive to impact their lives in a positive way, I don't let them see my frustration. I know that everyone has their own personal lives & families but so do I. I feel like being a devoted leader will inspire these girls to become worthy leaders some day. I was lucky to have wonderful, hardworking leaders during my days in Young Women & I'm grateful for all their teachings that have helped me today in serving my own girls. I feel so overwhelmed sometimes but I keep it to myself, I hate confrontation & to prevent any drama I take on more than I can handle. Recently, it has taken its toll & I broke down to Jr telling him my feelings on everything that's been going on. He knew something was going on with me but didn't know what it was. He then comforted me with some encouraging words then added, "but Babe you have to remember you're not Superwoman." It hit me that maybe I have been trying too much, I just don't want to disappoint these young girls who look up to me. That's just the type of person I am, you give me something to do, I go above & beyond to make it happen. I just have alot of Praying to do. :(

MOTIVATED:)

 Growing up I had no issues with my weight. I was a very athletic teen & exercised almost everyday. After meeting Jr I went the extra mile in staying healthy & keeping my cuteness for him.lol. When we got married I began to get comfortable w/ eating way too much & being lazy. I blame it on being  HAPPY& in LOVE..haha;) So, when I got pregnant I was so happy cause I had an excuse to EAT.EAT.EAT! I felt good because I didn't have to worry about how I looked or that I was getting too fat. I LOVED being pregnant. After having Zion & 11months later finding out I was pregnant again with Isi got me excited to stuff my face for another 9 months.lol. Now that my boys are older keeping up with them has been a challenge. My laziness has taken over our day trips to the park & walks in the evenings. I've realized how much time I'm taking away from their childhood by being "THAT" mom. That one who loves to eat & laugh w/ her kids but dreads any kind of physical activity after, that one who sleeps-in while the t.v entertains her kids until she feels like getting up, that one who takes her kids to the park,sits there eating their snacks instead of running around playing with them, that one who'll discipline her kids but never think that maybe she's the one needing some discipline. I don't want to be "THAT" mom, I want my kids to remember the good times they've shared with me, I want my husband to see that beautiful girl he fell in love with. I'm making changes in my life for them but mainly for myself. I have to want it more than anyone else, crave it more than anything else & maintain it for as long as I'm breathing. I know I can never have that Super Model body but I can def. work on my inner SUPER MODEL:) I know I can do this just making it a habit will be the challenge, but my health depends on it. I want to grow old w/ my husband & see our kids have their own families..so I'm done being "THAT" mom...keeping it movin' & looking forward to finding my "Skinny" again.lol. Staying MOTIVATED:):)

*Start date: 8.15.11- weight: 220lbs.*

hated.

Usually I can care less what people say or think about me. I often brush it off or just say,"Hey! their loss". I try to surround myself w/ positive people & pray for those who dislike me. It really hurt to find out that someone I have a close relationship with; HATES me. Even more that she's been acting like we're cool ends up being two-faced. Hearing this really upset me, I've never had someone HATE me & my feelings were really hurt. Yea, we have those who we don't get along with or dislike but HATE? Maybe it's my fault, I try my best to develop friendships that are based on trust & love. Hoping they'll grow day by day to potentially last a lifetime. Guess this wasn't one of them. It saddens me cause now it effects our kids, why should they suffer? All they want to do is enjoy their childhoods, have fun, learn & mature w/ one another. I don't know what I can do now. Seems hopeless to me cause of how much hatred she has built up throughout the years & I honestly don't know what I did. Maybe I just suck at being a good friend:(

"Can we have one of those?"

 In my past posts I talked about being undecided about having another baby. Well, lately Joon has been "hinting" on having a girl..a.k.a his "Princess"..ogeez! haha.. but it's not only him, his parents, my parents, my siblings, & his family too. I really got to thinking more about it yesterday after we left the park. I was carrying Paaga & Sai's son; baby Sai , I walked over to the playground where my boys were playing & said, "Look boys.. Mommy has a new BABY". Usually when we're around other babies Zion pays no attention & Isi gets jealous & cries frantically. This time was different as soon as they seen bby Sai they both ran over to me smiling & I was shocked that Isi didn't get jealous he actually came & gave him a big kiss saying.."Hi baby".. it was so cute:) Zion surprised  me the most by trying to carry him & asking me.."Mom, CAN WE HAVE ONE OF THOSE"..lol.. It got me laughing & smiling at the same time. Seeing how happy they were with a lil baby made me wonder..Hmmm? Maybe it is time for another lil one:) Everyone has been asking/hinting to have another kid.. but to actually see it thru my boys faces & how happy it made them. How can I say no to that? I mean it's been 3 1/2 yrs.& my boys are growing up so fast & I'm not getting any younger..lol.. so why not? I love kids & raising my boys has been the GREATEST blessing in my life, adding to our Eternal family would be just PERFECT!  I had a talk w/ Joon lastnight about it & he is beyond excited.. [go figure]..lol.. honestly.. I am too:D Although it would mean cutting back on somethings & also trying to find our place all at the same time I know we can make it happen. With the Lord's guidance & blessings we'll be just fine:) I just need to lose about 50lbs. so I won't be adding on to any baby fat.lol.. To Jr,Zion & Isi.. Make room cause "We're going to get one of those"..;) hehe!
<3 Mommy!

Preparing for the Worse

 Recently my dad has been very ill. It's so hard for me cause we live away from them & I can't be by his side through all this. The past couple of years its been hard for him but he is a FIGHTER. When we think he has given his all, he beats the odds & keep hanging on. Something I don't want to imagine is life without him. As his heart problems worsen & his sicknesses are more frequent My mom & older siblings have decided now to make arrangements in case his time comes.The thought of it kills me.. I can't believe they are preparing for his funeral & he's not even dead. When I heard about all this I was very upset, why are they doing this? Why now? Why can't they wait? Who knows he can have many more years to live? How can they be so inconsiderate? I don't want to be a part of their planning.. like really? Call me selfish but I can't.. My dad has been a great impact in my life & trying to deal with all this when he's still alive seems wrong. I know death is part of life but no, my dad is a survivor & no matter what he'll overcome his illnesses. I'm such a mess right now, some nights I stay up thinking of getting a phone call that he's gone. Some days I call him like 5x's just to hear his voice. Other nights I'm in continuous prayer for his health & well being. I wish we can be there living in Portland, to see him everyday. How can I be strong when I know my family needs him? What kind of daughter will I be if I don't support my family's wishes? Why am I so stubborn? Who will I turn to when that time comes? I'm in need of answers but mainly I can't deal with preparing for the worse..esp. when it has to do with my DAD:(

hard to deal with..

 Joon's passion is MUSIC.. Ever since we first met he made it clear that he LOVES to sing & even though the first song he serenaded me with was the only Tongan song I hated..lol.. he was amazing singing it:) Now as his music career is taking off, they've become a band; people want them to perform @ different functions & do more traveling. I support him 100% & he knows that I'm his #1 fan.. but I don't like the "GROUPIES" part.. I know that no woman would like to have another female all up on their man esp. when you're not around. I try my best to make their shows & support but I'm really making sure no girl is messin' with my boo..lol.. I may sound silly but its true. I trust Joon & I know he'll never jeopardize our marriage (he better not).lol. but I don't trust them females who try & get w/ the artist. Sometimes I think he'll go out of town & some Prettier,Skinnier,more Interesting girl will try to get with him & she'll succeed. Sadly I even wish he never knew how to sing.. I know that's wrong but I feel that the more exposure his band gets means; more road trips, more studio time, more practices, more groupies, more worries for me:( I don't want this to be an issue for us but sometimes I make a big deal out of it. When his practices go over the time he said he'll be home, I throw a fit when he comes back. I find it hard for me to be okay with it when he doesn't know where I'm coming from. What if it was the other way around & I was the singer & doing shows having guys hitting on me? I know that our marriage is SOLID but why am I so worried? I always share w/ him my feelings about this & he always says the same thing."If you want me to quit this music career, I'll do it for you".. but I don't want that. I wouldn't want him to stop following his dreams because of my insecurities. He has a great future ahead of him & I know that music is his way of expressing himself to the world. Though at time it's very hard to deal with.. I pray often for him & his music endeavors, always remembering our ordinances made in the TEMPLE comforts me. I'll work on dealing with it but mainly looking beyond the bad & seeing the good that'll come of it. Music is his DREAM & I want to be a part of making it REALITY:)

-Jr. Lei - I love you, I do trust you & want the best for you in everything. I'll work on being more supportive even when I feel otherwise.lol. but I know you do this music thing for Us. To prepare a better future for our family esp. our kids. I cherish every memory we've made since day one. You've been blessed with great talent & I want you to do what your heart desires. Skies the limit hunny & no matter what I'm right by your side for the ride:) Hopefully your band breaks up & your stuck @ home with us all the time..LOL.. juss kidding;) You're an Amazing father to our boys & even more an Irreplaceable husband.. Keep up the great work & I'm so proud of you! Ayye-OOOh:) xoxo- Wifey!

"gotta pee, Mom"

Lately Zion has found an interest in peeing outside. smh! Having a full house the bathroom tends to get occupied so if it is he'll just open either the front & back door to go pee. At first it was funny cause he'll say.."Mommy I'm watering the grass"..lol.. but now even when the bathroom is open he still wants to pee outside. Don't know what to tell him cause he'll just say.."But somebodies in the bathroom".. so I think for now we'll just let him "WATER OUR GRASS"..hahaha.. Oh the joys of having boys.. crossing my fingers Isi doesn't catch on to his brother's obsession..lol..:)

I MISS YOU!

 This October will mark 2 years since my beloved grandmother 'Ana Hevaha Tafea's passing. I was very close to her & just thinking about her beautiful smile tears me up. Without my grandma my family would have never came to America from Tonga. She worked so hard to make a better life for her children, esp. her grandchildren & I'm forever grateful to her for that. She loved life & everything was about FAMILY. She was a great influence in my life & I was the lucky one to be her only namesake. I strive everyday to live up to her expectations & carrying on her name. She taught me so many things & today am using those teaching in raising my kids. She always told me to follow my dreams & listen to my heart, never give up even if the road is tough keep going. She was an example of that.. being disabled & in a wheel chair for the last 13 yrs. of her life wasn't easy but she never let anyone feel sorry for her. A year before her passing she slowly became more ill.. She could no longer eat any solid foods & loss feeling in her hands,but she continue on fighting to live another day. Her body may have taken all it could but her heart was stronger than ever.. she may have lost her sense to feel but to us her voice was enough. She loved to sing & when we'd visit she'll sing songs & talk for hours. The day I got the phone call that she had passed I couldn't believe it, although we knew she didn't have alot of time no one is ever prepared to hear & deal with the loss of a loved one. Hearing my sister's voice on the other line say, " She's gone Lexx, she's gone". Tears ran down my face as I reflected back on the wonderful life she lived & the endless memories we created together. I felt lost, my heart was hurting it felt as if I couldn't breathe. I laid in my bed & cried for hours, Joon would come in to check on me but I just wanted to be alone. How could I go on without her? She was the glue that held our family together. What are we going to do without her here to keep everyone in line & remind us of what being a FAMILY was all about? Then, I remember what she always told us growing up.. "Koe lotu moe famili oku uluaki taha he mouini, Nofo he taimini he ko pongipongi oku kake palomesi ha taha teu tau sio ki ai". meaning. "God then family always, live in the moment & never take life for granted because tomorrow is never promised". Dealing with her death was very difficult but remembering her many wise advice & great life lessons helped me cope with it. I'll cherish all those memories & live my life each day as if it were my last. I miss your laugh, your smile & warm touch. You may be gone but you will NEVER be forgotten. Till we meet again my Beautiful angel. 'Ofa lahi atu Grandma!

Eternal Families:)

          I'm so happy to share that my dear friend/sister Marian & her lovely family were Sealed for All Time & Eternity in the Seattle Temple on June 25th.2011:) It was a Beautiful day & I'm so glad we were able to witness such a memorable occasion. As I sat in my seat & their son Lil Will came in tears started to flow like a waterfall down my face. I felt such a warm feeling of happiness towards their family. It made me reflect back to the day when She was not yet a member but had lots of questions about the Gospel. It was a rainy spring day & we were sitting in her car outside the Laundromat eating ice cream.lol.. She said that they were thinking about attending church but didn't know which one to attend. I seen this was the PERFECT chance to do Missionary work, I shared w/ her my testimony & the great blessings that come with being a worthy member of the church. Also, some of the stereotypes that we @ times are labeled, but just as long as we know who we are & what we believe in no one's opinion really matters. She seemed a little interested but wanted to weigh out their other options. I was surprised to hear that 2 weeks later she decided to be baptized:) whoo-hoo! I'm was so proud of her for making a big decision & realizing that it was the BEST thing for her lil family. 1 year later, we're in the Temple witnessing their family being sealed for ETERNITY:) Seriously, I couldn't stop crying.. like I said in my previous post I'm a crybaby.lol. I'm excited for all that the Lord has in-stored for their lil family & all the wonderful blessings they'll receive from entering the house of Lord. Good friends come & go but BESTFRIENDS never leave your side:) I love you Marian & I cherish our sisterhood that has developed through out the years. You're a great example in my life & I know we'll be old ladies one day sitting on a bench sippin' sum lemonade & looking back to see a friendship filled w/ amazing memories:) yay! for ETERNAL FAMILIES :) Love the Lei's *

Always thinking of YOU!

      Over this past weekend I found that my dear friend had a miscarriage & it was her first child. She was rushed to the hospital but when they got there she lost so much blood that there was nothing the doctors could do to save it. I felt so bad for her & her husband, they were so excited to be parents & instead of preparing for a baby they'll be mourning a child they'll never get to meet:( My heart goes out to her & I know she understands that Families Are Forever. I love you Sanalei! This is a sensitive topic to me personally because I had a miscarriage in 2005. I never want to relive that day but hearing about Sanalei & her loss I just broke down. We talked for hours & I just wished Hawaii was a city away because I wanted to be with her, hold her & comfort her during this terrible time. As I sat there griping the phone & fighting back the tears I told her what happen to me. She was shocked to hear of such tragedy in my life but was more surprised at how I never showed any sign of depression. Thanks to my parents for raising me in the church to understand the plan of salavation & eternal families I learned to live & deal with what happened. It's been 6 yrs. & I never forgot about my unborn child. Gosh I'm crying as I try to type this post..I'm such a cry baby.. but I always think of what he/she would have been like? Looks? Personality? hobbies? dreams? It was the worst day of my life. Even though Joon & I were so young & bringing a baby in the world would be hard, we knew that our family would help us along the way. The night after it happened I couldn't sleep, just thinking about a child that we created & never having the chance to bring in this world broke my heart. I blamed myself for a long period of time..What if I stopped playing b-ball , What if I took prenatal vitamins, What if I listened to all those Tongan superstitions my mom told me..WHAT IF??? Losing a child is never easy, but I know that things happen for a reason. It wasn't our time to be parents, I came to realization that the Lord's blessings are precious & even though we lost one it didn't mean we couldn't try for more. So, when I had Zion & Isi back to back in 2007 I seen it as a blessing in disguise. Maybe their older sibling in Heaven sprinkled some extra LOVE on us:) Watching my boys grow up I cherish all their many milestones, tantrums, laughs, cries but simply their sweet innocence. Never forgetting about the one who is watching us from above; I'm always thinking of "YOU".. <3

"TAKE IT & RUN WITH IT"

 Today's lesson in Relief Society about Eternal Families really got me thinking. I was overwhelmed by how precious & sacred the ordinances we make in the Temple are & also how sad it is that I've been slacking BIG TIME on attending the Temple. As I sat in my seat & listened to a very spiritual lesson I realized that I've been neglecting to do my part as a Companion to my husband & Mother to my kids. Not the everyday responsibilities as Mommy & Wife, but helping the spiritual growth of my lil family. Blessings from attending the Temple are more important than any worldly obligation I have. Hearing different sisters share of how they wish to have a Priesthood holder in their home or to be sealed to families one day.. really hit me "I have that but I'm not taking advantage of it". Having the chance to be in the house of the Lord & do his work is where my husband & I need to be. Even w/ the everyday hassles of life we NEED to attend the Temple more often. NO EXCUSES!! My family means everything to me, I have to remember that my boys will only understand & learn more about the blessings of the Temple if Mommy & Daddy show them through example. We can't just teach them things about the Temple we have to DO what's needed to reflect that. As, one of the sisters said in class.."If you have the Priesthood in your home & are sealed to your families, "TAKE IT & RUN w/ IT". Those are the words that I'm going to try my best to live by. Tomorrow is a new day & a chance to be a better wife,mother,daughter,sister,friend.. Truly grateful for the Gospel in my life esp. for my Eternal Family! Here's to taking it & running w/ it! NO looking back:)

CONGRATS SON!!

 Today was one to remember:) Zion graduated from PRE-SCHOOL!! wHOOO! I'm so proud of you Son. This morning was very different from any other school day. He actually woke up early, got him self dressed & ate ALL his breakfast..lol.. can we say EXCITED?? hehe.. I'm so happy that I felt well enough to take him to school & see him receive his pre-school diploma. Earlier in the week I didn't think I would be feeling good enough to take him but I'm so relieved that my body was cooperating today.lol. Zion was super excited to give his friends their candy leis & his teacher Mrs.Spencer her thank you poster! I'm not going to lie I cried driving home as I looked back in the rear view mirror @ him holding his diploma smiling from ear to ear. I LOVE YOU son! Mommy can't wait to do it all over again next year:)

AMAZED!

  Wow! it's June already... that means summer is here & Zion's first year of school has come to an end:( I get teary eyed just thinking about it. Well, that day is today & for some reason I can't seem to sleep. Feels like it was just yesterday when Joon & I were @ the clinic freaking out over the news that I'm pregnant but even more scarier is that I was already 7 1/2 mths along. Thinking back to that day all that was running through my head was "OMG! this kid is going to have sum major problems". When I gave birth to him he was PERFECT.. nothing wrong; physically nor mentally. Last summer when we were prepping him for Pre-School, he seemed to catch on quickly & memorize everything. I knew he would LOVE school & learning new things everyday! Throughout the school year I've seen a drastic growth in him. He's become more social with other kids, & loves to talk your ear off..lol. More importantly he recognizes his shapes,colors,letters,etc. & w/out hesitation solves his own problems:) Yesterday I had a little chat w/ him about his last day of school & summer time which means there's no school for a couple of months. I was expecting him to freak out & ask why there's no school, but he surprised me by saying.." Mom, I'm gonna be sad that school will be over but I know my friends & Mrs.Spencer will be back in the Fall time".. Summer is fun because we get a break & Mrs. Spencer can rest too, because she teach us a lot of stuff for a long,long time.. she can go vacation". Awwww:) I sat there in AMAZEMENT @ how much my baby has grown up. In 10 months he has learned so many things & as bittersweet as it may be I am super excited for the next school year. Everyday is a new adventure w/ Zion.. he has the biggest imagination & a bigger personality to match. He has such a loving heart, always thinking about others:) You're our "SUPRISE" baby & we are so blessed to have you in our lives! I am so proud of you Son, continue to be the awesome boy you are & I know that w/ all your great qualities it'll structure the Amazing man you'll become one day! Mommy LOVES you my china boy:) Today it's all about YOU!! Bring on KINDERGARTEN:D!!

"What I do?"

        I love my wild, active 3 yr.old but man sometimes Isi just makes me want to pull my hair out. Gosh I feel like a bad mom for saying that. Maybe because he's so full of life & I'm so out of shape to keep up with him. Sundays have been so "interesting" since Joon started working & it was just me & my boys attending church. I feel like I'm capable to keep up with him it's just that I get so frustrated I want to yell/slap him whenever he's acting up. Zion is the exact opposite from his little brother. He's more quiet, gentle & Isi is just hands on wild & crazy. I don't want to label my boys as the GOOD one & the BAD one. Sometimes I catch myself saying that to people when they say, " Wow. you're boys are so different from one another". I always told myself that whenever I have kids they'll be treated equally & now I look at it, that's what I've been doing since Isi could walk & talk. Last Sunday I had a total meltdown in the car after church. The day started off bad, we were so late to church, our Gas was empty cause Joon forgot to fill it up the night before, I forgot my scriptures, Zion spilt Gatorade on his pants, & Isi was super hyper from candy he found in the car. As I sat in the foyer trying to calm down & listen to the speakers Isi starts sprinting up & down the halls. Here we go again.. another Sunday playing tag with him while learning nothing. It was time for Zion to go into Primary. I tried sitting in there with Isi but he started to cry hysterically, so I began to get mad & we left. During Sunday school he started to calm down. It didn't last long.lol. Time came for Young Womens & I was hesitant to go in there with him because he starts to distract the girls & act up. Thank goodness it was combine Sunday with the Young Men so I was free to finally go to Relief Society. I couldn't tho, he was starting to get fussy & I was losing my patience. We just sat in the foyer & I can honestly feel no reason for being in church. I never felt that way before, I thought to myself why am I here when all I'm doing is chasing Isi around & missing every single class. Church was over & for the first time in my life I was happy it was. We picked up Zion from Primary & on our way to the car Isi takes off running towards the car parked next to us with kids & their bags of candy. I guess Isi tried to take some kids candy & the lil boy pulled his hair. Isi straight head butted the kid & his nose started to bleed. His mom started yelling saying who's kid is this? I ran over apologizing to the mom & her child but she didn't reply, she just put her kid in her ride & started rambling in Samoan. I was furious, that was it I couldn't take anymore so I put Zion in his seat then as I strapped Isi in his seat. I yelled at him & smacked his hand.. I wanted him to know how angry I was & how he's been so bad all day. As, I turn to close his door he looks up to me with tears running down his cheek & said, "WHAT I DO?". At that moment I forgot all the wrong he had done that day & I just grabbed him in my arms, told him how much I loved him & I was so sorry for losing it.



     I got in the car & started crying. It's not him.. it's me. I'm the one who's lazy. I'm the one who has a short temper. I'm the one with no patience. I'm the one who complains about the small stuff. I'm the one who made a bad day worse with my funky attitude. As I sat there I thought of everything he went thru when he was born. I couldn't hold back the tears thinking what if he didn't survive that heart surgery? what if there were physical/mental  side effects?  but no, all he's doing is being a kid, embracing each day with a smile & loving life. I felt so guilty for acting like a jerk all day, even worse was only looking @ the bad things he was doing. Lesson learned the hard way, but I have to be more patient with him. I'm thankful each & everyday for his good health & for blessing our lives since the day he came into this Earth. No matter how bad a day gets or how tough the situation I PROMISE to always put your feelings first. I LOVE YOU my Isi bby:) 

FINALLY!

   For as long as I can remember Joon has always made it his #1 priority to be the greatest provider for our  family. Even if it was working long hours or traveling the distance as long as it was putting food on table & keeping a roof over our heads he was fine with that. When we first started dating I could already tell how hardworking a man he was esp. when he'd work a 10hr. shift then drive 2 1/2 hrs. to Portland just to see me. When we started our family it was tough. His hours became longer & even tho the money was nice, I missed my husband. Not only our q.t together but importantly having daddy time w/ our boys. Giving birth to 2 kids in one year was very hard, & not having him there was even harder to deal with. He worked in Construction for 7 years & it definitely put a strain on our marriage but sadly it was taking a toll on his body. He'd come home with agonizing back pains & bruised up knees. I felt so bad for him & although he'd tell me that he's okay & its nothing sum Advil couldn't fix, I could see in his face that he was exhausted. One day it finally hit him that maybe it's time to hang up his hard hat when he was out playing w/ our boys & his back went out. I mean being only 25yrs.old this shouldn't be happening. It was even more heartbreaking seeing Zion try to help him up & he could barely move. As I continued to watch our boys run around & play while their dad was unable to be a part of it just brought me to tears. I see what the effects have done to his father & I don't want that for him. We had a long talk about a career change & he said that it was time, construction was not for him anymore. What hurt him the most was thinking about our boys & in the future he'd want to run around, throw the football & simply enjoy the precious time spent with them:) It took a long time for him to find work again. Esp. with the sucky economy it seemed like he'll never find a job. He started to doubt the decision to quit construction but with lots of prayer & help of some awesome friends he got hired with IKEA..woot! woot! FINALLY.. no more crazy hours, no more back pains, no more scratched up knees, no more long trips away, & no more precious time away from us:) I'm forever grateful for such an Amazing, Hardworking husband:) love you boo.

One Day

 One day I would like my boys to have a room of their own. One day I'd like to walk freely in my house & not worry what I'm wearing or who's around. One day I'd like to just do NOTHING, but relax & let the house get messy. One day I'd love to decorate a place which shows off my creativity. One day it would be nice to have my family visit & actually stay with us. One day I'd love to have company over & create endless memories. One day I'd love to have more kids & knoe that we'll have enough space for them. One day I want to discipline my kids & not have to worry what others will say. One day I would like to feel the excitement of house hunting again. On day I'd love to enjoy romantic evenings w/ my husband. One day I would LOVE to be a homeowner; but for now these are the cards we were dealt. Patience is a virtue & I got to keep it moving & make our dreams reality..not now but ONE DAY:)

Undecided.

Lately, I've been feeling like my boys were just growing up way to fast & that they were being more independent & Mommy's help wasn't needed..I knoe it's just me but man its bittersweet:( Joon & I have been talking about having another baby sometime this year but I don't knoe.. don't get me wrong I would love to have as many kids as this body can give..lol.. but thinking back to what we went thru w/ Isi, I'm hesitant to carry another bby to term than have him/her have some kind of birth defect. I know things happen for a reason & I wouldn't take anything back that has happend to us since his traumatic birth, for it really tested my Faith & gave us a big wake up call. I'm just scared; still undecided about it but I would really LOVE to have another baby:) Who knoes maybe I'll push my fears aside & think about my boys and how AWESOME it would be to add another blessing to our ETERNAL family! I know that no matter what happens we'll be well prepared for whatever the outcome is & knowing that that the Lord will always be there for guidance comforts me. I'll keep yall posted;)

"When is GRANDMA SELA coming?"



        Zion is super stoked to be going to Oregon for his Spring Break:) We told him about 3 weeks ago & til this day keeps asking "When is Grandma Sela coming'?.. lol.. Like I said in my 1st post how he remembers everything... well.. here's an example of that..haha.. This will be my boys 1st time away from us since they've been born, I'm not worried because I know they'll be well takin' care of by my family. It's Joon who is worried..lol.. esp. about our baby Isi who is really a daddy's boy! Weird right, he looks & acts like me but totally his daddys boy, likwise for Zion he looks & acts like his dad but is sooooo a mommy's boy:) I'm just going to miss them so much:( I mean I am a stay at home Mom..lol.. what am I going to do with myself? thanks goodness it's only a week cause I think I'll be on the 1st train to Portland..lol. My family is more excited than my boys.. esp. my parents:) They honestly spoil them to the max & hey! what can I say I'm the baby of the family so I know how it is to have special treatments..lol. All my nieces & nephews are stoked too; they fb about skipping skool to bby-sit them..wth? who does that? lol.. Real talk, my kids are everyone's FAVORITES:) maybe cause we're the only ones living outside of Oregon. There's 23 grandkids in all & they'll be REUNITED this weekend; talk bout full house..lol. I know they're going to have a Blast!! My boys are very fortunate to spend time with my family, thou I'm going to miss them but I know they're in great hands:)

PULOTU GRANDKIDS 2010* missing 3 bebes.

"TRUST IN THE LORD & ALWAYS HAVE FAITH"

My Handsome Dad- Bishop Milemoti Pulotu

                                             

           So, this is a sensitive topic for me which is my DAD. Today I've been thinking about him & his health. I felt that it'll be a perfect chance to blog about it. Ever since I can remember my Dad has always had a strong testimony of the Gospel. I'm so grateful that I had an Amazing Preisthood holder in my life growing up; although he was strict at times, he was & still is the FUNNIEST man I know:) Little background about my Dad is that he organized the 1st Tongan branch in Oregon & it has developed into 2 wards today. Which are Rose City 1st & 2nd. My Dad was a Branch Pres. for 3yrs. & a Bishop for 10, he's been a true example of a righteous, faithful member of the church. He loves to sing & play instruments; he even made his own cds, which he sells @ their class reunion every year..lol. He loves action movies & old musicals:) He has a great sense of humor & there is never a dull moment with my Dad around..lol. Esp, when he's clowning on my sisters in Tongan cause ya know I'm his fav:) haha..

           He's always been there for me & my family. I can recall the time when I gave birth to Zion & laying in the recovery room felt every single pain from surgery, I thought I was dying. Joon at the time had not received his Preisthood & his dad was not there. I knew that I needed a blessing asap because I didn't think I could take it anymore. So, my mom suggested calling my dad.. At the time all I can feel was pure pain & couldn't understand what he was saying at first but as his blessing went on I could feel the spirit so strong within my hospital room. Tears started to roll down my face as i hear my dad's humble prayer & his voice that has always comforted me through out my life. As it was coming to the end of his blessing all my pain went away & at that moment I felt the true power of the Preisthood. Even thou he wasn't there physically but his spirit was def. with me in my time of need.


                                                   
                                                      
                                                               ~!~ Summer 2010 ~!~
                                          



         Lately, his health has not been so good. Last year in February he had his 1st heart attack:( It came to us as a shock; because my Mom had him on a strict diet for 2mths prior to the heart attack. We drove down to be with him that same night. I felt so helpless seeing him hooked up to so many machines & tubes all over. It made me look back to when I was in the hospital & he was there for me..but now it was my turn to return the favor & I couldn't do a thing. He was hospitalized for 4 weeks then discharged, he was doing great. Until the summer in June when he had a stroke:( I couldn't understand why all this was happening to him, he's been a worthy man of church & has never had problems w/ anyone. Why him? The stroke really had it's affects on him mentally & physically. It had disfigured the right side of his face & limited his speech. My heart was sadden for him because everyone knew him for his sweet smile & amazing voice.

       Although these things were hapeening to him, he never felt discouraged or bad for himself, he would say.. " I trust in the Lord & I'll always have FAITH that he will help me thru anything & everything in my life". It was a long & exhausting time for my Dad, I knew how strong he was spiritually but to physically get back to where he was I wasn't sure. Months passed & slowly we were seeing changes in his speech & face, all his determination hardwork were paying off:) Today he still has sum side effects but his face & speech are back to normal. I admire his strong testimony of this true Gospel & I'm thankful for all his love & teachings that have influenced my life in so many ways. I love my dad & I continue to pray for his health & well being, mainly grateful for his continous guidance over me & thou I'm grown-up, married w/ kids........ I will always be Daddy's Lil Girl:)
                                                                             

                
                                                               ~!~ 'Ofa lahi Atu Dad ~!~

                                                                                                                     

NEVER GIVE UP!!

  2010 was a busy year for my hubby; pursuing his music career & trying to provide for our family wasn't easy. He est. his label AOMAS ENT. & things were looking up till he was introduced to this artist out of San Diego who promised him a big record deal & music stardom. Little did we know he had his own plans for my husband. Long story short he convinced Joon to invest in his label & make all these different moves without thinking twice, Joon did it. During this time it seemed like my word didn't mean anything & that his passion for music overlooked his good judgment. It got to the point where he paid his fare to & from Diego for a show that they were throwing. Ended up that Joon never performed & they didn't give a crap that he left his family & work to be there for their event. All they wanted was his money & talents w/out considering him as their New Artist. Lesson learned for my husband & tho it killed me to see him discouraged, I knew that he would have to face the consequences for his decisions. Recently, he was offered another chance to become a solo artist for a record label in Seattle. He was hesitant because to him AOMAS is what he started & never thought to neglect but I know it's taking a toll on him due to issues w/ his group members. I see his handwork & amazing talent, I don't want him to regret his decisions but whatever he chooses I support him 100%. If it's meant to be, it'll be..right?? He mentioned to me that maybe the music scene may not be for him because since the beginning all he gets are rejection & broken promises:( I just assured him that there's no easy road thru life, & that no matter what knocks you down you gotta get up & try again.  

 To make things worse he recently got layed off from work & again we are faced with another obstacle but he still hustles to make ends meet for our little fam. The 1st week he was pretty down, I never seen him so depressed, but he managed to suck it up & organize concerts & parties to provide for us. Most guys would probably throw in the towel, but nope not my hubby; his #1 priority is our fam. I love him & appreciate all his dedication to us. That's one of the things that I've learned from my husband that threw ups & downs he always seems to keep smiling & look on the bright side. Sometimes he's down & out but who doesn't have days like that? No matter what he keeps it pushin' & I love him for that. Maybe the Music industry is for him & maybe it's not; all I know is that my husband will always pursue what he loves & remember how far he's come:) I'm truly blessed to have him in my life & grateful to have him set a good example for our boys that one day they'll understand the true meaning of HARDWORK & NEVER GIVING UP:) Love you hunny!

FAB 5 FOREVER:)

        Okay, so lately I've been more homesick than usual.. It sucks that out of all my siblings I'm the only one who lives outside of Oregon:( Even thou we're just 2 1/2 hrs. away from Portland it feels like I live on the other side of country. I'm the youngest of 7 kids; 2 boys & 5 girls.. & we've always been very close. Before I got married & started a family of my own my sisters & I always said that we'd never seperate & even if our husbands had something to say about it..we'd show them whassup..lol.. but things didn't go the way we planned & for different reasons we found ourselves living here in Washington w/ Joon's side of the fam. Don't get me wrong I love being around his family & having our kids learn more of their Samoan side but man some days I wish we lived in Oregon. Especially when I need those simple sister convos & a phone call doesn't do justice:( I know my sisters would do anything for me & through out my whole life they've been there no matter what, & living in another state makes me miss them even more. We have a "conference call" every Sunday where my sisters meet @ Feina's house (Oldest) & we chat for hrs..lol.. seems silly but that's us:) We love to laugh & joke around but at the same time got eachother's back always! I miss them so much but hopefully in the future we'll make our way up there & stay for good..lol.. There's times when I think back to my childhood & had my fair of shoulda,coulda,woulda's but I know that right now I'm here in Washington for a reason.. I may miss my family but it's comforting to know that thru this amazing Gospel "FAMILIES CAN BE TOGETHER FOREVER". There's nothing like the bond between sisters & I thank our HF everyday for blessing me w/ 4 Crazy, Beautiful, Strong women who I look up to & love to no End:)

                                                        
                                                          ~!~ FAB 5 FOREVER ~!~

Fresh Start:)

          So, fall of last year were full of changes for my family & I.. the main thing was that we moved wards from the Fruitland [palangi ward] here in Puallup where we've been for the past 4 years to Allenmore [samoan ward] in Tacoma; where Joon grew up in. It wasn't an easy decision.. tho people were telling us that there's nothing but DRAMA in that ward & our kids won't like it.. Turned out to be the exact opposite..My boys love the ward esp. the kids in the Primary & I think just being around brown people ..lol.. makes them feel more comfortable. Don't get me wrong I loved our Fruitland ward & the wonderful people there but we thought that it was time for a change & that maybe we can adapt to being in a Poly ward again. Three weeks after joining the Allenmore Ward I recieved a calling.. 2nd Counselor in the YW's:) After being in the palangi ward for almost 5 years me nor Joon has ever had a calling there..I don't know why.. but I felt more than excited to finally be serving. Although we were NEWBIES in the ward everyone showed us nothing but love & really made us feel welcome.

          I was very nervous to have such a big calling since it felt like I just got out of the YW's program..lol.. I prayed alot about this calling & I know that eventhough it was a little overwhelming in the beginning I was chosen to be a leader to these girls & all I had to do was have faith that everything will be okay:) It's been 5 months now & I'm loving every minute of it; there's sum bumps along the road but hey no journey is smooth.. You gotta just roll w/ the punches:) Glad to say that Joon is also serving in the Youth as Advisor for the Preist in the YM's. It's only been a short time joining this ward but we've met sum great people & made awesome friendships! I'm grateful for the amazing leaders that I serve with & I'm stoked to  see what great success we can have with these girls this year! Here's to a FRESH START:) 

Hate Flu Season:(

*1.16.11* My boys the day before they got sick:(

  So, it's that time of the year when Sickness comes knockin' @ our door & man was it bad:( My boys were sick for about 2 weeks & so was Hubby.. I had to strap on my SUPER MOM cape & fight off these germs full force..lol.. It really took a toll on me mentally & physically, One day I just couldn't take it & went off @ Zion cause he was asking for juice & I haven't made it to the grocery store to buy more. He looks @ me with tears in his eyes & says.." Sorry Mom, I didn't mean to be sick". I just broke down.. how could I have yelled @ him over juice? I held him in my arms & apologized for yelling & that mommy was having a bad day. I realized that this is part of being a Mom.. Even thou  times get tough we gotta stay focused on the task @ hand & keep it moving. I'm glad to say that they are all Healthy once again:) Except for my Hubby's GOUT..omg! I'll save that for another Post.LOL.. xoxo