Always thinking of YOU!

      Over this past weekend I found that my dear friend had a miscarriage & it was her first child. She was rushed to the hospital but when they got there she lost so much blood that there was nothing the doctors could do to save it. I felt so bad for her & her husband, they were so excited to be parents & instead of preparing for a baby they'll be mourning a child they'll never get to meet:( My heart goes out to her & I know she understands that Families Are Forever. I love you Sanalei! This is a sensitive topic to me personally because I had a miscarriage in 2005. I never want to relive that day but hearing about Sanalei & her loss I just broke down. We talked for hours & I just wished Hawaii was a city away because I wanted to be with her, hold her & comfort her during this terrible time. As I sat there griping the phone & fighting back the tears I told her what happen to me. She was shocked to hear of such tragedy in my life but was more surprised at how I never showed any sign of depression. Thanks to my parents for raising me in the church to understand the plan of salavation & eternal families I learned to live & deal with what happened. It's been 6 yrs. & I never forgot about my unborn child. Gosh I'm crying as I try to type this post..I'm such a cry baby.. but I always think of what he/she would have been like? Looks? Personality? hobbies? dreams? It was the worst day of my life. Even though Joon & I were so young & bringing a baby in the world would be hard, we knew that our family would help us along the way. The night after it happened I couldn't sleep, just thinking about a child that we created & never having the chance to bring in this world broke my heart. I blamed myself for a long period of time..What if I stopped playing b-ball , What if I took prenatal vitamins, What if I listened to all those Tongan superstitions my mom told me..WHAT IF??? Losing a child is never easy, but I know that things happen for a reason. It wasn't our time to be parents, I came to realization that the Lord's blessings are precious & even though we lost one it didn't mean we couldn't try for more. So, when I had Zion & Isi back to back in 2007 I seen it as a blessing in disguise. Maybe their older sibling in Heaven sprinkled some extra LOVE on us:) Watching my boys grow up I cherish all their many milestones, tantrums, laughs, cries but simply their sweet innocence. Never forgetting about the one who is watching us from above; I'm always thinking of "YOU".. <3